Procella's Announcement
by Procella
Summary: Kenny's been kidnapped by everyone's favorite fourth-wall breaking psychopath again! But this time, it's different. Procella actually has something relevant to say.


_**[EDIT: PLEASE SEE PROFILE]**_

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**[A/N: Before the CU and Lawlclan get on my ass about this: There's Kenny, it's technically fanfiction. Lay off.**

**Also, this is only in the SP section since that's where everyone will look for me.]**

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Procella stood in the center of the stage, looking out to her audience. Kenny stood behind her, watching her carefully. It appeared that she had broken the fourth wall and kidnapped him yet again, but it didn't seem to be out of anger or fun as it had with previous kidnaps. Procella cleared her throat into the microphone, calling the audience to attention. "Um… hey." Her voice sounded uncharacteristically awkward and nervous.

The audience all looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak. It wasn't until Kenny nudged her that she seemed to even remember where she was or what she was doing. "Hey" she repeated. "I guess I should start with an apology."

She took a shaky step forward to address the crowd better. "I'm sorry. I know I said I'd update often, and I know I said I'd stop disappearing but…" she trailed off, the guilt shining through in her voice. When she started again, she sounded like she wanted to cry. "This is actually the first time I've logged on in… almost two months, I think. A lot of shit came up at once. I know I've said that before, but I really mean it this time."

Kenny walked up beside her and murmured something. Procella shook her head and pushed him away. "For those who want to know the story, stick around. For those just interested in when I'll be next updating, give me a second to pull my shit together."

Pro took a deep breath before continuing. "I know I have a few stories that need updating. I guess we'll go in order. Face Down is probably going to be the first to update, since I'm most done with the next chapter for that. Image of the Invisible is pretty close too, I think the only one you might have to wait some more time for is the Shuffle Challenge. However, in spite of all of this, I don't think I'll be updating until June, when school lets out. Sorry if you hoping for an 'I'm not dead :D Here's an update~' kind of thing."

She paused and waited for those that only wanted to know about her stories to leave. She smiled thankfully at those who were left, those who cared about what had actually happened to her. "I guess I'll start with the beginning. Shortly after my last update of Face Down, the night of in fact, I got a phone call. It was a friend of mine, Brittany, who was crying and asking for our other friend, Sadie's address. I was scared and slightly panicky about what was going on, but it didn't hit hard until I heard the word 'suicide'

"Sadie had attempted suicide, there was an ambulance looking for her house, and I couldn't reach our other friend, Alison. Sadie's alive and well now, but that hit me hard.

"It wasn't over yet, around this time my depression and anxiety were acting up. But I had hope, I was positive the woman I loved, Zephyr, loved me back. I was so sure and hopeful, and that was the only comfort I really had. So I talked to her about it, and she does love me back! But… she couldn't be with me. Because I was another girl. And as much as she loved me, she loved my brother as well. Yep, you heard right. I lost her to my brother. He loved her too, and I knew I had to choose Zephyr's and his happiness, and my own.

"I don't regret my decision. I set them up, and they began dating only after I yelled at Elijah, my brother, to just 'grow a vagina and ask her out!' he did, they got together… they're still together.

"It was killing me inside. It tore at me. In an attempt to relieve the pain I..." she paused "I made a stupid choice. I really stupid choice. Now, some background. I'm a former drug addict. Nothing hardcore like meth or shit, just inhalants and painkiller. I had been clean for three months when I took both at once, got high, and called Zephyr.

"I don't remember much of it, but she tells me I said some things I'm not proud of. I do remember waking up the next morning confused as hell and slightly hungover. I went to school that day… I could write a book on how to loose all your friends at once.

"Here comes suicide attempt number one. Overdose. That hurt like a bitch, and I threw it all back up anyways. I wound up calling my best friend, Katie, who lives in Ohio, on Skype. I confessed what I had done to her, and confessed I was back on drugs. She never said it, but I know she was disappointed.

"I turned to my religion. I'm Wiccan, and I was finding comfort in talking to the Goddess and writing in my Book of Shadows. I began carrying the book with me everywhere… except for the Christian church my mother forced me to go to. I prayed to the Goddess for a sign for something, _anything_ to help me. Whether you believe in my religion or not, I got a dream that helped me.

"I dreamed of my friends. The ones who were pissed off at me. I dreamed of old memories and of laughing, of them being there for me and me being there for them. Then the dream drifted away from memories, and I found myself dreaming my suicide and of theirs. I woke up crying.

"The next day, I came back to where they usually sit. It was pretty clear I was unwelcome. I explained myself to them, how I had turned to drugs again, the suicide attempt, everything. I ended up turning to Zephyr and telling her how much I loved her, in front of Elijah, but I ended it with telling her I'm willing to let her go, if she would be happy. They forgave me, and offered me help with drugs.

"I was getting better, and being more social again. I was getting closer to two friends of mine, Chris and Preston. My book of shadows was filling up and I was overall happier.

"It didn't last, and I'm kind of stupid for expecting it to. At the peak of my recovery, my mother found my Book of Shadows. Everything exploded in my face at once. It was awful. My Book of Shadows was destroyed. That killed me. The next day, I told everyone, and they all agreed that my mother was being a bitch. That night, I turned back to drugs... and while high, I made the decision. Suicide attempt number two. Overdose again, but this time on the very painkiller I was addicted to. You're supposed to take one tablet for every 100 pounds you weigh. I weigh 90 pounds. I took seven.

"Unlike the other time, this didn't hurt. In fact, I felt more relaxed than I had been in three years. So I lay down on my bed and fell asleep. I'd like to say that when I woke up in the morning, I had some magical realization of what I had done and the fact I lived. But I honestly didn't remember shit until after I was on the bus. I broke down that day and ended up going through the day high. Like the smart person I am.

"Flash forward three weeks, and I start having a bunch of near-death encounters. Too many to talk about, and none of them were suicide attempts. I kept telling all of my friends to not be too sad if I die, and I constantly talked about what I would want if I were ever to be on life support. I know I scared them, and I was scaring myself.

"At the beginning of April vacation, I went over a friend's house. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I had an anxiety attack. A massive one. I was fully convinced I was a terrible awful person who deserved nothing but the worst in life, and even deserved to die. My friends tried to talk me out of it, but I was too far gone. The anxiety had completely consumed me. I was even convincing myself that my friends, that everyone who knows me, hated me. And I hated myself. I almost attempted suicide, and I'm lucky my friend wouldn't give me any painkiller. I was on facebook at the time too, because I was talking to my internet friends. They were trying to help as well. Both my real life friends and internet friends managed to calm me down enough to stop trying to hurt myself, but I was still convinced I'm terrible.

"Chris messaged me. He asked me if I could believe that he thought all these amazing things. I told him I could believe he thought that, but my mind refused to let me believe the same things about myself. Then he said this. 'Would you believe I love you?'"

"Some background knowledge, Chris had asked me out before this, and I told him that my answer "Isn't a 'no' just a 'not right now'" due to the fact I had also developed feelings for Preston as well. My feels for Zephyr were gone, I wanted to get over her and I did. I was very confused about my feelings, but they took a backseat to my depression.

"I told him I could believe that. At the time, I wasn't sure what about that statement calmed me down so much. I was still having an attack, but I was calm enough to sleep. The next morning… or afternoon… I woke up to text from my mother asking me why I'm late.

"I didn't remember her ever setting a curfew, so I ignored it. My two friends were already awake. I got up and joined them to find they were talking to people on Skype. When my friend's call ended, I began a new one. With Chris. Which lasted for two hours and we all had a pretty funny conversation.

"At three, I left and went back home. I got in trouble for being past a curfew I don't remember getting. The punishment, was that I wasn't allowed to contact my friends for the rest of the week. Now, when it comes to anxiety attacks, the only thing that ever stops me from doing something _really_ stupid are my friends. The anxiety kicked full swing again, and I couldn't contact my friends to try and get them to calm me down. Finally, it was to the point where I felt the world would be better if I killed myself.

"Thankfully, I didn't try. But I did take scissors and cut my arm. I left scars. The next day, I didn't take my sweatshirt off all day, and it was a warm day. I messaged Chris complaining about overheating, and my mother read that message since she had my phone.

"Yeah, that ended well. I ended up explaining to her how it's her fault I have such bad anxiety. Because every fucking day I was told I'm not good enough, or that my sister was better than me. I got my phone back, and a few days later, while I was talking to Chris about my memory issue (A psychological breakdown I had a few years ago makes everything before age 13 seem like a dream, or like it didn't happen at all.) I had realization.

"Everyone tells me that before the breakdown, I was a terrible person. I yelled at everyone, I hit everyone, I was angry all the time and very, very violent. Everyone was apparently surprised when I got back the day after the breakdown, and when someone screamed at me about my new haircut, I didn't hit them or yell at them.

"This realization kind of froze me up. To a point where I spent half an hour trying to remember how to breathe. I threw up too. I spent another half an hour reading my old journal, trying to confirm my theory.

"It turns out my anxiety stems from the fact I used to be a terrible person. I'm not anymore, but the reason I'm so scared of being selfish or hurting my friends is because I used to be."

"However, as awesome as my recovery may be, shit still goes on in life. Like huge Marine Bio projects and me almost causing Preston to commit suicide because I had finally figured out that my heart wanted Chris, and not him. (Which almost kicked my anxiety back up)." Procella paused, just now remembering to breathe. Kenny stared at her, as though he felt he might have to preform a medical procedure on her.

Procella's breathing evened and she began to talk again. "I'm still a recovering drug addict, and self-harm isn't an easy habit to quit. So I can't say I'm fully 'okay'. But I can say that all of this wasn't easy to go through, and not in such a concentrated period of time. I'm waiting until June to update because all of my end of the year projects are starting, and I want to be able to say 'I'm okay' without feeling like I'm lying before I begin writing again." She ended with a smile, and took a step back. "Okay, that's it. Thank you all"

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**[A/N: No really, thank you. If you're down here it means that you care, for which I'm grateful. I'm sorry I vanished, and I'm sorry you'll have to wait a little longer, but at least I was able to let you all know that I'm alive.]**


End file.
